Yesterday was Max' 5th birthday, he was so excited !!!!!!! I can't believe he is 5 already, my big boy !! The night before, as we were hanging up the "slingers" (decorations in dutch) I couldn't help but think of his bio family. Were they thinking of him, or doing their best to forget ? Bio dad I really don't give too much thought, but bio mom...........................I hope she is doing good and staying clean. She called me a couple of months ago to tell me she moved back to her home state and was off the street and off drugs, wonderful news, as I thought of her quite often and worreid about her on the street. She is young and has a whole life ahead of her !
There are definitely moments when I look at Max and the damage that was done to this little boy and I just get so angry.................................angry at his bio family, the system.................
Everything he went through, at such a young age................................let me begin at te beginning, with the story of Max,
I got the call on a Thursday, there was a baby boy in the infant shelter, suspected shaken baby, would be needing a lot of therapies and could possibly be blind, he was 9 wks old.
Now, I knew all about OT,PT, speech, early intervention, etc., so I guess I wasn't even really intimidated by all this. I just remember being excited !!! He had a very, very hispanic name, so when he was brought to our house on Monday afternoon and they took this blond, white baby out of the car, I was very serious when I said; that's the wrong baby !!!!! ( I was expecting this baby with black hair sticking up straight) But it was him and he was precious. He wouldn't cry, was very stiff with his fist tucked under his chin, almost like he was protecting himself. His eyes would just roll and we could not make eye contact. He had been taken on New Years day with bruises up and down his little arms and on his face, a victim of domestic violence between mom and dad yanking him back and forth like a rag doll. Mom was in jail, dad denied paternity.
I was in love from the start.................no matter he had severe reflux, no matter at his first screening with early Steps he scored nothing over age 6 wks when he was 4 mos old at that point. No matter that our pediatrician didn't think he would ever be "normal"
I was fiercely protective and was going to get him all the help he needed, all the therapies, etc.
Once mom was out of jail, she started her weekly visits and I met her.....................I couldn't help but feel sorry for her. She looked so young and she was being railroaded by M's father and mother in law. They both told police she caused the bruises, that's why she went to jail. Both these people were so busy screaming that this child was not their kin................................
Mom started working a caseplan and dad went in front of a judge who ordered him to work a caseplan. He actually showed up 2x for a visit, once with his mom. I remember trying to talk to this grandma in spanish and she was so rude. She didn't want to hear about his therapies and problems. They were all my fault..............................................
The summer of 04 was so nice. We didn't have any visits for almost 3 1/2 mos, mom had disappeared, nothing on the caseplan was done, so we started hoping that maybe we would get to adopt this little boy who we all loved so much !
In december we had the hearing in front of the judge, which was the 12 mos hearing. We all hoped that the goal would be changed but for some reason the state attorney's felt they should ask for an extension of the caseplan. They did not have enough to terminate parental rights (TPR) So the case dragged on...................................mom still wasn't doing a whole lot. Did not attend any therapies, or medical appointments. here was a child who was sever astmatic, needed all his liquids thickened because of silent aspiration ( he would not even cough when he aspirated) and mom could care less.
When the 3 mos extension was up, our regular judge unfortunately had gotten sick and was replaced by this bleeding heart %^$, who against advice of caseworkers, supervisors, etc, ordered my precious baby to be reunited with his birth mom. No matter he didn't even know her, she still didn't work her caseplan, did not have a job, did not know anything about his medical care or anything about him. In the next 7 days he went for 4 visits and this happy go lucky 17 mos old, who was always on the go, became a child who just wanted to sit on my lap with his blanky and his binky, repeating over and over; mommy bye bye ??? No mommy bye bye......................................................It was the most painful, emotional feeling, I can not even describe it.........................like my heart was being ripped out. I tried to pray and to find peace, I tried to come to terms....maybe this was what was meant to be...........I should make it as easy for him as possible..................I packed all his clothes, toys, spoons, cups, bottles, binkies, you name it.
There are definitely moments when I look at Max and the damage that was done to this little boy and I just get so angry.................................angry at his bio family, the system.................
Everything he went through, at such a young age................................let me begin at te beginning, with the story of Max,
I got the call on a Thursday, there was a baby boy in the infant shelter, suspected shaken baby, would be needing a lot of therapies and could possibly be blind, he was 9 wks old.
Now, I knew all about OT,PT, speech, early intervention, etc., so I guess I wasn't even really intimidated by all this. I just remember being excited !!! He had a very, very hispanic name, so when he was brought to our house on Monday afternoon and they took this blond, white baby out of the car, I was very serious when I said; that's the wrong baby !!!!! ( I was expecting this baby with black hair sticking up straight) But it was him and he was precious. He wouldn't cry, was very stiff with his fist tucked under his chin, almost like he was protecting himself. His eyes would just roll and we could not make eye contact. He had been taken on New Years day with bruises up and down his little arms and on his face, a victim of domestic violence between mom and dad yanking him back and forth like a rag doll. Mom was in jail, dad denied paternity.
I was in love from the start.................no matter he had severe reflux, no matter at his first screening with early Steps he scored nothing over age 6 wks when he was 4 mos old at that point. No matter that our pediatrician didn't think he would ever be "normal"
I was fiercely protective and was going to get him all the help he needed, all the therapies, etc.
Once mom was out of jail, she started her weekly visits and I met her.....................I couldn't help but feel sorry for her. She looked so young and she was being railroaded by M's father and mother in law. They both told police she caused the bruises, that's why she went to jail. Both these people were so busy screaming that this child was not their kin................................
Mom started working a caseplan and dad went in front of a judge who ordered him to work a caseplan. He actually showed up 2x for a visit, once with his mom. I remember trying to talk to this grandma in spanish and she was so rude. She didn't want to hear about his therapies and problems. They were all my fault..............................................
The summer of 04 was so nice. We didn't have any visits for almost 3 1/2 mos, mom had disappeared, nothing on the caseplan was done, so we started hoping that maybe we would get to adopt this little boy who we all loved so much !
In december we had the hearing in front of the judge, which was the 12 mos hearing. We all hoped that the goal would be changed but for some reason the state attorney's felt they should ask for an extension of the caseplan. They did not have enough to terminate parental rights (TPR) So the case dragged on...................................mom still wasn't doing a whole lot. Did not attend any therapies, or medical appointments. here was a child who was sever astmatic, needed all his liquids thickened because of silent aspiration ( he would not even cough when he aspirated) and mom could care less.
When the 3 mos extension was up, our regular judge unfortunately had gotten sick and was replaced by this bleeding heart %^$, who against advice of caseworkers, supervisors, etc, ordered my precious baby to be reunited with his birth mom. No matter he didn't even know her, she still didn't work her caseplan, did not have a job, did not know anything about his medical care or anything about him. In the next 7 days he went for 4 visits and this happy go lucky 17 mos old, who was always on the go, became a child who just wanted to sit on my lap with his blanky and his binky, repeating over and over; mommy bye bye ??? No mommy bye bye......................................................It was the most painful, emotional feeling, I can not even describe it.........................like my heart was being ripped out. I tried to pray and to find peace, I tried to come to terms....maybe this was what was meant to be...........I should make it as easy for him as possible..................I packed all his clothes, toys, spoons, cups, bottles, binkies, you name it.
1 comment:
Ugh I can't believe they ru'd with a bio mom that had NOT completed the case plan. I take that back, yes I can.
sigh
Love that you started blogging. Off to read more.
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