It's a small world and this was definitely a God moment ! I had put some Halloween costumes on Craigslist for sale.( 5 kids, past couple of years, I have way too many !)(costumes that is LOL) This lady calls me and comes over for one of the costumes and we get to chatting, she was also a mother of 5, etc, etc.
When she heard I am a foster mom and have adopted, she asked me if I knew about "project Rainbow"..................???????????? Noooooooooooooooooo..........
Long story short, she was the director of an agency that provides respite for families with children with special needs. Once a month they have a drop off night and every family gets 4 hrs respite a month in home............How come I didn't know about this ???
I pride myself on knowing pretty much everything around here, therapy wise, schoolboard, intervention services, etc, etc
This is not just for the special needs child, but also for the siblings, although she assured me that all 4 of mine qualify.
They happened to have their monthly drop off this past Friday from 5-9 pm, Halloween theme, so I got all kids dressed up and took 'm over. When we came in there was a spec ed teacher that i have known for years, it was great seeing her. Max found an old friend right away, a little boy that was in his class last year, and a little boy that's in his and Sebastian's class now. I settled them in and left ! Didn't feel bad about it, they were having a great time ! They had pizza, decorated pumpkins, watched Alvin the Chipmunk and had their faces painted. They were so, so excited when I came to pick them up ! They had a great time !
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Thursday, October 23, 2008
PTSD monster
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.......................it's a monster that's very hard to tame........it leaves for a while, but is always there, lurking...........
I don't know what set Max off today, he came home and told me he had been crying at school "because he missed me" The rest of the afternoon he was on top of me, constantly telling me he loved me, he misses me, etc.
At bedtime he started crying and even though I went in there a 100 times, holding him, rubbing his back, he would not calm down. Crying hysterically, until he finally fell asleep.
It is so unfair.......................and I feel so powerless.........if only I could make it all better.
I don't know what set Max off today, he came home and told me he had been crying at school "because he missed me" The rest of the afternoon he was on top of me, constantly telling me he loved me, he misses me, etc.
At bedtime he started crying and even though I went in there a 100 times, holding him, rubbing his back, he would not calm down. Crying hysterically, until he finally fell asleep.
It is so unfair.......................and I feel so powerless.........if only I could make it all better.
IEP's and teacher conferences
Yesterday was the teacher conference for the girls. Sofia is doing very well, all A's and B's, little too "social" at times LOL
Liliana is struggling, and I feel so bad that I didn't go with my gut instinct last school year. I really thought she would be better off repeating 1st grade, but her teacher assured me she was doing fine.......................Turns out she is really struggling now and hanging on..........barely. We spend a lot of hours on homework and spelling words that she gets tested on each Friday. Way too many hours for a 7 year old. So her teacher and I agreed we are not giving up but it's almost sure she is going to repeat 2nd grade. It will give her a good basis and I think it's better to repeat now than when she is older. Sofia had to repeat 1st grade ( her birthday is August 15th, so she is a very young student) and it was amazing how a couple of months into 1st grade (the 2nd time around) all of a sudden it clicked for her and she has been doing very, very well ever since.
The funny thing was that thier teacher has read them perfectly, Sofia tends to be so confident that she gets a little sloppy and Lili is very stubborn. Their AR reading has them on the same score !! Sofia scored low, becasue of going through the questions too fast and getting sloppy, Liliana scored high by just not giving up and determination.
For Max I had an IEP meeting this morning. His OT said he seems to have lost a lot of skills he had mastered late last school year and his motor planning and balance have been way off. Now we have been having problems with his medications ( trying to find the right ones for him and also getting the approval from Medicaid) so we're all hoping that as soon as we have the right thing going for him, things will improve again. His teacher basically said the same thing, Max just can't keep it together......................I felt so bad for him.
But we talked about a lot of his strengths as well, his sense of humor, willingness to help, how he loves on the people that are important to him. It was very obvious that he is LOVED, there is just something about Max that touches people.........
Sebastian is doing awesome, he is counting and get this................he spells his name !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can you believe that !!!!!! They said he is very high in some area's !!!!!! Ofcourse there are other area's that are still lower, but he'll have another year before starting Kindergarten, so we have time ! He loves to sing and can often be found singing to himself when playing with puzzles, etc.
They are trying to get him to interact with the other kids more.
All in all, not bad. I am very proud of all my kids !!
Liliana is struggling, and I feel so bad that I didn't go with my gut instinct last school year. I really thought she would be better off repeating 1st grade, but her teacher assured me she was doing fine.......................Turns out she is really struggling now and hanging on..........barely. We spend a lot of hours on homework and spelling words that she gets tested on each Friday. Way too many hours for a 7 year old. So her teacher and I agreed we are not giving up but it's almost sure she is going to repeat 2nd grade. It will give her a good basis and I think it's better to repeat now than when she is older. Sofia had to repeat 1st grade ( her birthday is August 15th, so she is a very young student) and it was amazing how a couple of months into 1st grade (the 2nd time around) all of a sudden it clicked for her and she has been doing very, very well ever since.
The funny thing was that thier teacher has read them perfectly, Sofia tends to be so confident that she gets a little sloppy and Lili is very stubborn. Their AR reading has them on the same score !! Sofia scored low, becasue of going through the questions too fast and getting sloppy, Liliana scored high by just not giving up and determination.
For Max I had an IEP meeting this morning. His OT said he seems to have lost a lot of skills he had mastered late last school year and his motor planning and balance have been way off. Now we have been having problems with his medications ( trying to find the right ones for him and also getting the approval from Medicaid) so we're all hoping that as soon as we have the right thing going for him, things will improve again. His teacher basically said the same thing, Max just can't keep it together......................I felt so bad for him.
But we talked about a lot of his strengths as well, his sense of humor, willingness to help, how he loves on the people that are important to him. It was very obvious that he is LOVED, there is just something about Max that touches people.........
Sebastian is doing awesome, he is counting and get this................he spells his name !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can you believe that !!!!!! They said he is very high in some area's !!!!!! Ofcourse there are other area's that are still lower, but he'll have another year before starting Kindergarten, so we have time ! He loves to sing and can often be found singing to himself when playing with puzzles, etc.
They are trying to get him to interact with the other kids more.
All in all, not bad. I am very proud of all my kids !!
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Great time at the zoo !!!!
This past Monday the kids had a day off and I decided to take 'm to the zoo. It was a beautiful day, it's definitely cooling off a bit !!!
The pics are of the kids playing in the fountains at the zoo. Lili was trying to do the limbo, she's so funny. Sebastian ofcourse was trying to "drink" the water. He would fill up his mouth and spit it out, thank God, but still not a good thing for a child that aspirates................I must have looked like a mad woman; "Sebastian, back away from the turtle !" LOL
Max' picture cracks me up.He has gained 10 lbs !!! since August. Finally he is eating !!!!! He has a tummy now !!
Sofia wanted to pose everywhere, my little model !
My handsome almost 16 year old
This picture is one of those that just amazes me............he is getting so grown up and handsome !! He was being interviewed for PBS about the Reefrakers, a group of teen volunteer scuba divers, who go out and clean the local reefs. My baby boy is going to be 16 in December !!
Friday, October 17, 2008
Long weekend
Some old Halloween pics.....................................
I can see where this is going to be a bit addictive ! I have tried to add some pics, but I'm sure y'all can tell I am learning !!
Next week I will do the story of Sebastian, with pics, my little bubba !
I am thinking of going to the cheap movies tonight with the kids, to see Kung Fu Panda, and Monday we'll go to Lowry Park Zoo. They have the day off because of an in service day at school.
Yesterday I ordered the girls' costumes for Halloween and this morning I went to Goodwill to see if I could find a pair of shoes for Sofie, she is going to be a flamenco girl and needed black shoes with heels. Ofcourse I was lucky enough to find exactly what she needed, WAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Thursday, October 16, 2008
part 4
The next 6 mos we spend getting him back in OT/PT, putting some weight on him, loving him up and ignoring the cusswords he had learned ( like a sailor !!)
Mom had dropped off the face of the earth, dad showed up in January 06 and asked for a chance, but the judge basically told him he had had 2 years and enough was enough.
Stuff was dragging on. I had started to do visits with the great aunt whenever she was in town ( she lives in another state) and at one of these visits we had a heart to heart. She understood that I was his mommy in his eyes and he already had been through so much. Bless this woman for being courageous enough and to know love, like a mother. She called the caseworker and withdrew her petition to get relative custody, so he could be adopted by us. I know she was hurt, but she loved him enough and cared enough to not want to cause him anymore harm.
The paternal grandmother was still fighting, but a child psychologist testified in court that he was very concerned about her denying to this day that M was ever abused. (She lived with them and she still says nothing ever happened) And that Max was so bonded to us that he would have severe attachment issues if taken away from us again. He made a very strong point that the attachment was not just to me but also to papa and his brother and sisters.
Finally, after 3 1/2 years, Max was adopted right before his 4th birtday, 2 years after he came back to us, on September 17th, 2007.
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part 3
Imagine my surprise when on the Friday after delivering my letter I run into this judge at the gas station. I had to go up and introduce myself and I told him I hoped he would take the time to read the letter and take some action. He was very nice, even though I probably looked like a crazy woman, rattling on, what did I know about ex parte communication ??!! LOL
Talk about divine intervention. Thank you God !!!!!!!
On June 20th, a special hearing was called, at first I wasn't going to be able to be there, since legally I was no longer part of the case. But I was called as a witness, as was the pediatrician.
Here was the same caseworker claiming everything was going just fine ( she hadn't seen us coming in ) We all were ehard and the judge put mom on notice and told her if she kept this up he would remove M again. he also appointed a GAL.
I felt so much better after this hearing, now I knew he was not going to fall through the cracks.
On June 21st I received a call from one of the directors that they had a situation and everyone agreed he should call us. I was a brat, kept interrupting him, told him we weren't going to fall for this again and possibly go through the same heartbreak again...............................but in the end I listened and we decided with pain in our hearts that we had to move forward and look to the future. I could not keep hoping every day, that today maybe would be the day that Max came back. So we said yes and Sebastian arrived in our home....................sweet, sweet Sebastian.
He kept me busy, but ofcourse I still thought about my baby boy all the time. When on Tuesday, sept 21st, at 11 am I got a call telling me Max was taken again and were we interested in taking him back ???????????????? YES YES YES, my baby was coming home !! I called Papa, who took the rest of the week off, Oma, who cried and cried and my friends...........................
When he got out of the car, he looked so pathetic, tears everywhere, snot, dirt. I just scooped him up and told him : Hi schat, mommy is so happy you're here and some other things in dutch. This little boy, 23 mos old, looked at me, grabbed my cheeks with both his hands and said"MOMMY" he put his head on my shoulder and this big shudder/sigh went through him. The caseworker was in tears and said; well, I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it, but he obviously remembers you ! The she warned me and said; there is a maternal great aunt and paternal grandma, they both want him. All I could say was; "we shall see, because this time I won't let him go without fighting"
My baby boy was home after 6 mos and 3 days and he remembered me, the combination of touch and smell and the sound of the dutch words were enough to make him remember that I was mommy and he was safe.
I called the pediatrician and told her I was on my way with him, she couldn't believe he was finally home and when I got there (at lunchtime) most of the nurses were in tears, happy tears !
Talk about divine intervention. Thank you God !!!!!!!
On June 20th, a special hearing was called, at first I wasn't going to be able to be there, since legally I was no longer part of the case. But I was called as a witness, as was the pediatrician.
Here was the same caseworker claiming everything was going just fine ( she hadn't seen us coming in ) We all were ehard and the judge put mom on notice and told her if she kept this up he would remove M again. he also appointed a GAL.
I felt so much better after this hearing, now I knew he was not going to fall through the cracks.
On June 21st I received a call from one of the directors that they had a situation and everyone agreed he should call us. I was a brat, kept interrupting him, told him we weren't going to fall for this again and possibly go through the same heartbreak again...............................but in the end I listened and we decided with pain in our hearts that we had to move forward and look to the future. I could not keep hoping every day, that today maybe would be the day that Max came back. So we said yes and Sebastian arrived in our home....................sweet, sweet Sebastian.
He kept me busy, but ofcourse I still thought about my baby boy all the time. When on Tuesday, sept 21st, at 11 am I got a call telling me Max was taken again and were we interested in taking him back ???????????????? YES YES YES, my baby was coming home !! I called Papa, who took the rest of the week off, Oma, who cried and cried and my friends...........................
When he got out of the car, he looked so pathetic, tears everywhere, snot, dirt. I just scooped him up and told him : Hi schat, mommy is so happy you're here and some other things in dutch. This little boy, 23 mos old, looked at me, grabbed my cheeks with both his hands and said"MOMMY" he put his head on my shoulder and this big shudder/sigh went through him. The caseworker was in tears and said; well, I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it, but he obviously remembers you ! The she warned me and said; there is a maternal great aunt and paternal grandma, they both want him. All I could say was; "we shall see, because this time I won't let him go without fighting"
My baby boy was home after 6 mos and 3 days and he remembered me, the combination of touch and smell and the sound of the dutch words were enough to make him remember that I was mommy and he was safe.
I called the pediatrician and told her I was on my way with him, she couldn't believe he was finally home and when I got there (at lunchtime) most of the nurses were in tears, happy tears !
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Max's story part 2
Max left us on a Friday. I have honestly never cried as much in my life........................every day I would get up, get the kids to school and crawl back into bed, never ending tears, so many worries, is he okay, is he crying..............................................................
And then the phone calls started.................specialists from All Childrens calling and asking where he was, no show for many appointments, WIC, where his pediasure was coming from, terminated him, it just went on and on. His respiratory therapist Chris, calling me asking what should she do, he was not at the home address and not at the daycare. Many, many people sounded alarms, so to speak, but all to deaf ears.........................................
He left on March 18th, I guess after crying for 2 mos, in May, I just got angry, very, very angry. Max was never appointed a GAL (guardian ad litem, someone who speaks up for the child)
All he had was a caseworker, who obviously could care less and a mom who could not care for him. Later on I found out that there were weekly calls to the abuse hotline by various people, never deemed bad enough by whoever to remove him again.
Now I don't get angry fast, but I was pissed !!!!!! And I decided I had tried the caseworkers and supervisors, etc. It was time to write the judge...........(I've never been one to fiddle around)
By this time the old judge was back on the bench and I wrote him a 3 page letter detailing what had happened with this case, what was going on now, what my concerns were AND I attached all my e-mails to the caseworkers etc and their responses.
I hand delivered this to his secretary on a Tuesday and immediately felt so much better...........I knew this judge would do something, at the very least appoint a GAL who would keep an eye.
Max is 5 !!!!!!!
Yesterday was Max' 5th birthday, he was so excited !!!!!!! I can't believe he is 5 already, my big boy !! The night before, as we were hanging up the "slingers" (decorations in dutch) I couldn't help but think of his bio family. Were they thinking of him, or doing their best to forget ? Bio dad I really don't give too much thought, but bio mom...........................I hope she is doing good and staying clean. She called me a couple of months ago to tell me she moved back to her home state and was off the street and off drugs, wonderful news, as I thought of her quite often and worreid about her on the street. She is young and has a whole life ahead of her !
There are definitely moments when I look at Max and the damage that was done to this little boy and I just get so angry.................................angry at his bio family, the system.................
Everything he went through, at such a young age................................let me begin at te beginning, with the story of Max,
I got the call on a Thursday, there was a baby boy in the infant shelter, suspected shaken baby, would be needing a lot of therapies and could possibly be blind, he was 9 wks old.
Now, I knew all about OT,PT, speech, early intervention, etc., so I guess I wasn't even really intimidated by all this. I just remember being excited !!! He had a very, very hispanic name, so when he was brought to our house on Monday afternoon and they took this blond, white baby out of the car, I was very serious when I said; that's the wrong baby !!!!! ( I was expecting this baby with black hair sticking up straight) But it was him and he was precious. He wouldn't cry, was very stiff with his fist tucked under his chin, almost like he was protecting himself. His eyes would just roll and we could not make eye contact. He had been taken on New Years day with bruises up and down his little arms and on his face, a victim of domestic violence between mom and dad yanking him back and forth like a rag doll. Mom was in jail, dad denied paternity.
I was in love from the start.................no matter he had severe reflux, no matter at his first screening with early Steps he scored nothing over age 6 wks when he was 4 mos old at that point. No matter that our pediatrician didn't think he would ever be "normal"
I was fiercely protective and was going to get him all the help he needed, all the therapies, etc.
Once mom was out of jail, she started her weekly visits and I met her.....................I couldn't help but feel sorry for her. She looked so young and she was being railroaded by M's father and mother in law. They both told police she caused the bruises, that's why she went to jail. Both these people were so busy screaming that this child was not their kin................................
Mom started working a caseplan and dad went in front of a judge who ordered him to work a caseplan. He actually showed up 2x for a visit, once with his mom. I remember trying to talk to this grandma in spanish and she was so rude. She didn't want to hear about his therapies and problems. They were all my fault..............................................
The summer of 04 was so nice. We didn't have any visits for almost 3 1/2 mos, mom had disappeared, nothing on the caseplan was done, so we started hoping that maybe we would get to adopt this little boy who we all loved so much !
In december we had the hearing in front of the judge, which was the 12 mos hearing. We all hoped that the goal would be changed but for some reason the state attorney's felt they should ask for an extension of the caseplan. They did not have enough to terminate parental rights (TPR) So the case dragged on...................................mom still wasn't doing a whole lot. Did not attend any therapies, or medical appointments. here was a child who was sever astmatic, needed all his liquids thickened because of silent aspiration ( he would not even cough when he aspirated) and mom could care less.
When the 3 mos extension was up, our regular judge unfortunately had gotten sick and was replaced by this bleeding heart %^$, who against advice of caseworkers, supervisors, etc, ordered my precious baby to be reunited with his birth mom. No matter he didn't even know her, she still didn't work her caseplan, did not have a job, did not know anything about his medical care or anything about him. In the next 7 days he went for 4 visits and this happy go lucky 17 mos old, who was always on the go, became a child who just wanted to sit on my lap with his blanky and his binky, repeating over and over; mommy bye bye ??? No mommy bye bye......................................................It was the most painful, emotional feeling, I can not even describe it.........................like my heart was being ripped out. I tried to pray and to find peace, I tried to come to terms....maybe this was what was meant to be...........I should make it as easy for him as possible..................I packed all his clothes, toys, spoons, cups, bottles, binkies, you name it.
There are definitely moments when I look at Max and the damage that was done to this little boy and I just get so angry.................................angry at his bio family, the system.................
Everything he went through, at such a young age................................let me begin at te beginning, with the story of Max,
I got the call on a Thursday, there was a baby boy in the infant shelter, suspected shaken baby, would be needing a lot of therapies and could possibly be blind, he was 9 wks old.
Now, I knew all about OT,PT, speech, early intervention, etc., so I guess I wasn't even really intimidated by all this. I just remember being excited !!! He had a very, very hispanic name, so when he was brought to our house on Monday afternoon and they took this blond, white baby out of the car, I was very serious when I said; that's the wrong baby !!!!! ( I was expecting this baby with black hair sticking up straight) But it was him and he was precious. He wouldn't cry, was very stiff with his fist tucked under his chin, almost like he was protecting himself. His eyes would just roll and we could not make eye contact. He had been taken on New Years day with bruises up and down his little arms and on his face, a victim of domestic violence between mom and dad yanking him back and forth like a rag doll. Mom was in jail, dad denied paternity.
I was in love from the start.................no matter he had severe reflux, no matter at his first screening with early Steps he scored nothing over age 6 wks when he was 4 mos old at that point. No matter that our pediatrician didn't think he would ever be "normal"
I was fiercely protective and was going to get him all the help he needed, all the therapies, etc.
Once mom was out of jail, she started her weekly visits and I met her.....................I couldn't help but feel sorry for her. She looked so young and she was being railroaded by M's father and mother in law. They both told police she caused the bruises, that's why she went to jail. Both these people were so busy screaming that this child was not their kin................................
Mom started working a caseplan and dad went in front of a judge who ordered him to work a caseplan. He actually showed up 2x for a visit, once with his mom. I remember trying to talk to this grandma in spanish and she was so rude. She didn't want to hear about his therapies and problems. They were all my fault..............................................
The summer of 04 was so nice. We didn't have any visits for almost 3 1/2 mos, mom had disappeared, nothing on the caseplan was done, so we started hoping that maybe we would get to adopt this little boy who we all loved so much !
In december we had the hearing in front of the judge, which was the 12 mos hearing. We all hoped that the goal would be changed but for some reason the state attorney's felt they should ask for an extension of the caseplan. They did not have enough to terminate parental rights (TPR) So the case dragged on...................................mom still wasn't doing a whole lot. Did not attend any therapies, or medical appointments. here was a child who was sever astmatic, needed all his liquids thickened because of silent aspiration ( he would not even cough when he aspirated) and mom could care less.
When the 3 mos extension was up, our regular judge unfortunately had gotten sick and was replaced by this bleeding heart %^$, who against advice of caseworkers, supervisors, etc, ordered my precious baby to be reunited with his birth mom. No matter he didn't even know her, she still didn't work her caseplan, did not have a job, did not know anything about his medical care or anything about him. In the next 7 days he went for 4 visits and this happy go lucky 17 mos old, who was always on the go, became a child who just wanted to sit on my lap with his blanky and his binky, repeating over and over; mommy bye bye ??? No mommy bye bye......................................................It was the most painful, emotional feeling, I can not even describe it.........................like my heart was being ripped out. I tried to pray and to find peace, I tried to come to terms....maybe this was what was meant to be...........I should make it as easy for him as possible..................I packed all his clothes, toys, spoons, cups, bottles, binkies, you name it.
this is scary
I have been asked a million times; " do you blog?"......................................I guess I should, there's definitely a lot going on in this house every day..............LOL
But I was always intimidated, after all, that's just for the real computer savvy people out there, or so I thought. But I took the plunge and I am going to give it a try.
We shall see where it leads !! It would be an easier way to keep all the family updated on the kids and the day to day stuff that goes on here. And I always seem to think that our friends know about everything about our foster/adoption journey and the story of our kids, but not all of them do. They are stories worth blogging about, stories about laughter, love, joy, tears, heartbreak and miracles..................................
But I was always intimidated, after all, that's just for the real computer savvy people out there, or so I thought. But I took the plunge and I am going to give it a try.
We shall see where it leads !! It would be an easier way to keep all the family updated on the kids and the day to day stuff that goes on here. And I always seem to think that our friends know about everything about our foster/adoption journey and the story of our kids, but not all of them do. They are stories worth blogging about, stories about laughter, love, joy, tears, heartbreak and miracles..................................
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